You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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