So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
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I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
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Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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