you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
