1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
