My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dignity is for republicans.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
