Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We left the knife in your bed.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
