I am spending my child support on dildos
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
