I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
