Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize