Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
