My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
