jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
