I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
