i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
