my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
