I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
