Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
