glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
