totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
