Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
