I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
