Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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