And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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