the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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