Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
