I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
