your room smells of hookers.
And success
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
