I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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