we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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