I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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