I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
