if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
