Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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