every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
