There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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