fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
