I haven't been this sober since birth.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
