youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
