Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
