There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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