I accidentally burped into my bong.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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