If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
