apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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