are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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