Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
