She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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