YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
