I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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