1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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