This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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