you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
