am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
