I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
