Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
