My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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