Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
