Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
