Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
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I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
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I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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