i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
