Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
