Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
